Resolve to Connect
I carry the smell and taste of safari with me everywhere I go now, and I miss it so much. This photo of the sun rising in Maasai Mara reminds me of how I felt on that day; calm and happy. It is why I am saving to return this year.
I haven’t been writing much because I like to have something relevant to say, usually something that offers some sort of solution, rather than just spuing useless words and stories. And I hadn’t felt like I had a lot of solutions or useful stories as 2023 came to a close. I have been sad most days since I returned from Kenya, and my anxiety is worst than ever. Quite the opposite of what I expected going into the new year.
I do have a little story of relevance, but I want to mention first that for those of you who don’t understand anxiety, it isn’t always what you think. I am not worried or afraid at all now, but I am easily overwhelmed lately and I am working on a solution for that. For me, anxiety can look like a day that I have to dry my hair and not being able to handle the sound of the hairdryer; to the point of tears. Anxiety can be little, usually manageable or irrelevant things, that feel like too, too much in any random moment.
I talked to my therapist about the way sounds have been bothering me. I wondered how I could be in a place like Kenya, that could have easily brought me a fair bit of anxiety, as it was very stimulating for all my senses. But, in those moments I didn’t feel overwhelmed by a single sound or event. She told me, in a nut shell, that it was the novelty and my brain was too busy gathering information to be irritated. So, two things; I wonder how it will be when I return and it is a bit less novel, and maybe I just need to do something completely new all the time?! That last part is a bit of a joke, but also, maybe novelty is the answer for some of us much of the time.
My story now, is that I have been reading, which I can sometimes not focus on, but lately I can! And it is making me feel calm, I am reminded how great it is to sit still and go into another universe for a short time. This isn’t a story about reading though, it is a story about connection.
I met the sweetest couple at the coffee shop near my house in the last year and we were surprised to learn how many common interests we have, particularly in learning about different cultures around the world. When I returned home in October, I invited them for supper because they said they wanted to hear about my trip. And the favor was returned with a dinner invite and the most wonderful visit, where we ate slow and spoke fast, with the kind of enthusiasm only a great conversation elicits. My new friend Shriley was telling me about how interesting she felt the Kenyan Maasai tribes were and she told me about a movie “The White Maasai”. It is about a woman from Switzerland who gives up her modern life on a whim to live with a Maasai warrior she fell in love with when visiting Kenya. I bought the book to read with plans to give it to her when I was finished. But, in the meantime when a local friend was talking to me about her own trip to Africa, she asked me if I wanted a box of books about the continent. The White Maasai book was in the mix! I kept my copy and gave that one to Shirley and we are reading it at the same time, with plans to get together to chat about it after. Neither of us have sat down to read a novel in ages by the way. And isn’t that the kind of serendipity we all just need in our lives? And the kind of connections that seem meant to be?
My story is not about the book The White Maasai, although – it is a very interesting read if you get a chance to check it out. (And also expect a post or two here about Maasai culture, which I am still processing). My story today is about how life leads us in the most interesting directions if we are open to connecting with people, and to seeing the unexpected connections and possibilities that exist in new adventures. It’s like the roots of a tree that pop up new sprouts far from where they were planted. I may not have gained a new book friend in my community had I not planted myself in Kenya for a short time.
This year I hope I see less resolutions about losing weight or saving more money and more about making connections or having a more open heart. I think we often operate in silos and in doing so we are missing out on so much learning and joy.
This year I am thankful that I made a few new friends. The reason I met Shirley and her husband in the first place is because one day in the coffee shop, I overheard their conversation, related to it, and interjected myself into the conversation, which was welcomed with an open heart.
I share a lot on this blog. I don’t share for attention (or pity), and I hesitate often as I hit “publish” – but I share because if even one person can relate and feel less alone it was worth the sharing. For example, does the sound of the hair dryer ever overwhelm you??
And speaking of resolutions - I still carry around a stupid ball of weight in my chest which I’m told is unreleased trauma, and I carry the anxiety that comes with it. I hoped I would leave all of that in Kenya. So, my resolution this year is to work harder to release it. And to return to Kenya without it.
I resolve to write more because it always feels amazing when I do and the support and encouragement I have received from this blog is actual fuel for me to keep trying and being better. And because I have enjoyed the connections and the feeling less alone part.
What is something you can do to make a new connection this year?
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