A Little Step to the Left
When I took this photo I had to crouch down and move a little to the left… to get the rocks framed just the way I wanted them, to make sure the horizon line was straight, and to make sure there weren’t any distracting elements in the photo.
Photography is a lot like life in terms of needing to adjust our perspective for a more desirable outcome.
A lot of times anxiety (for me anyway) is about feeling out of control of things; of our environment, of our commitments, of the state of the world. There is a lot we can’t control. But a significant and very important thing that we can control is our reaction to uncontrollable things.
Negative energy fuels the anxiety fire for me, and maybe for some of you too, and I find that a shift in perspective results in a big shift in my positive energy levels. Here are 3 main ways that I try to adjust my perspective for positive and calm energy. When I use them, these strategies serve me greatly.
Get-to vs. Have-to
Commitments that feel like they eat away at our life can cause me stress and anxiety if I am not careful. “I have to go to work”, “I have to buy groceries” or “I have to cook supper” as examples feel a bit like a cage sometimes, or like a very undesirable chore. If I shift my perspective, I feel better. “I get to go to work” for example. How many of us are jumping out of bed with joy to go to work 5 days a week, really? When having a chat with my friend and her 5-year-old daughter one day I was asked if I like my job. I ended my reply by saying….at least I have a job. In the very wise words of my friend’s daughter “one is better than none”. Little Freya will never know how often I find comfort in those words. On days when I wish I were strolling a shoreline in the middle of a Tuesday, I remind myself to be thankful that I have a job and a steady income, and mostly enjoy the work, and I try to think about how I “get-to” have a job that isn’t too terrible!
I think this way about groceries and cooking too, as examples (there could be a lot of examples!). It is inconvenient but also a privilege and a gift to be able to go to the grocery store and buy groceries, so I tell my self “I get to buy groceries”. And, “I get to cook!” Instead of making cooking a chore I try really hard to enjoy the process, noticing the colors and the smells, and knowing that I am able to provide nutrition to my body. I am thankful I have the skill and try regularly to improve it, because I can! Is there something you “have to do” that you can reframe as “I get to do”?
It’s Not About Me
So often (on social media especially) people react so negatively to every little thing, or need to pick a fight or have the upper-hand or last word, with complete strangers no-less. Those last words are not about the person they are directed toward. They are mostly about that person’s own beliefs and values, or more often than not, their own insecurities and anxieties. And aren’t our own insecurities and anxieties enough weight? We don’t need to carry the weight for everyone else.
When people around me do especially rude or annoying things that could get my blood pressure up I remind myself it isn’t about me. For example, if someone aggressively cuts me off in traffic, or speeds past me when I am actually speeding a little myself, that isn’t about me. Why on earth would I use my precious energy to have a negative reaction to that? There are so many reasons for their behavior (someone that driver loves could be in the hospital and they are trying to get to them, they have shitty time management skills and are about to miss an appointment, or they have trouble managing their anxiety and behavior). We don’t know people’s stories or situations, and honestly, none of it is our responsibility. And none of it is something we should take personally.
Rude people almost always have their own demons and anxieties to deal with. Your co-worker who was short with you, or the impatient woman behind you in line at the grocery store…do you ever think about what has triggered them to not have peace and patience? Happy people are generally not jerks. So, those people (the jerks) need our grace most. I know this from experience having been a jerk kind of a lot of times. You don’t have to be extra nice to these people or invite them to tea to help them feel better about themselves or their situation, but you can adjust your own reaction to them. You can simply say “I don’t deserve that reaction and it is not about me” and move on, instead of carrying it around or allowing your energy to shift to a negative, anxious place about it.
Also, sometimes people just don’t know better. While it is nice to help educate people, taking on the weight of that work can feel like too much (you’ll know if it is too much because if you listen to your body, it will tell you) and you can honestly just step away and move one. You can choose to maintain positive energy and hope that they someday find some too.
Movie View
How does what I do or say impact the people around me? Ask yourself: Was I just a jerk? Did I react poorly to this situation? Sometimes it is too late, and yes, you were a jerk and reacted poorly. My especially anxious moments can trigger my own bad behaviour, but it’s not too late to change those behaviors. The easiest way that I do this (and I trip up kind of a lot!) is to imagine what it would look like on film. Would it make a shocking reality tv moment, or a nice coming of age movie moment? The more you do this, the easier it gets to make better choices. And a handy reminder is that everything is a choice. Everything that comes out of our mouth, every action we take, and even what we think, are choices. The energy we allow and create, is a choice.
If you love drama and want your life to look like a chaotic reality series, that’s up to you. But if you do, think about why and how that serves you, your anxiety, and the people around you (or how it doesn’t).
Eckhart Tolle says that “the primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it”. Over the course of my journey to Kenya I expect there will be a couple unhappy situations (airport security and the plane ride for starters) but my goal is going to be to adjust my thoughts, and also remember the strategies I mentioned above. I fail miserably at all of those strategies from time to time by the way. But, when I am diligent about them, I feel better, and so do the people around me. I am less anxious and much calmer.
And really, to implement any of these strategies I just have to remind myself that like in my photo, I have to take a little step to the left.
Do you have any strategies that help you maintain perspective, positive energy, or calmness in your life? I'd love to hear about them!
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